I never want to see another naked old woman again.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
