I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
