i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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