I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We're too hungover to prance.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
