I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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