I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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