Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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