i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
