she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
