just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
