isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
