i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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