Non-Jews are for practice
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
