Betty ford says i'm here all night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
