there was a trapeze. enough said
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
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