he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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