it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
