Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
