wrigley field is MILF paradise
from now on my penis is your penis
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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