nut hugger
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
