I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
