can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize