I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
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I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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