rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
