Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I use my feet as sexual weapons
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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