Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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