she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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