he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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