Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I came so hard my ears popped.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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