dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
