Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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