I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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