Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
