i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
