I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
