I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
