Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
