At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
