Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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