The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
