So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Randomize
