at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
