Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
