if you like me you must not know who I am
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
