The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
