I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
