And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
