so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
