sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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