Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
