So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
