Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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