it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.