I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face