someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
