we're blogging at a bar
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
