I didn't shave. On purpose
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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