The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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