I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
