She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
