my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
