Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
