I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
